How to get all prettied up; An essensial guide for every girl everywhere.
1. Shower. Sing. Loudly. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
2. Dry off. Search for spray in conditioner. Spray-in conditioner not to be found ANYWHERE. Run around naked and scream at everyone.
3. Shower again. Sing. Louder and Angrier. Lather, Rinse, Repeat and APPLY CONDITIONER.
4. Dry off. Run around naked again and scream at everyone because you are a woman and it is your God-given right. Find deodorant with hands while examining your teeth intensely in the mirror. Spray.
5. Throw out old Brother-in-law's Old Spice spray on crap. Shower again. Lather, Rinse, Throw a tantrum. Condition.
6. Find matching underwear (because you're worth it) with surprisingly little problems. Put on without breaking a seam or any vital bodyparts. Be amazed.
7. Do not find the top that you are going to wear ANYWHERE. Search. Search. Search. Search some more. Run around in your underwear and scream at everyone. Scream at the cats. Scream at the flowers. Scream out the window. Find top mashed into a tiiiny corner in your warderobe. Wrinkly. Scream. Loudly.
8. Plug in curling iron with one hand and iron shirt with other. Throw iron after anyone joking about "best to call the firedepartment now hahaha". Declare half-assed ironed shirt to be done TADAAAA and put on. Because girls never ever spill or make a mess while doing hair and putting on make-up.
9. Start using the curling iron. Be a curling iron idiot. Fry your hair untill it screams for help. Curl everything different ways so some strands of hair curl on up into the universe and some are so tightly pressed up your neck you feel you're on the bus with that nasty, smelly old guy again. Get the curling iron stuck in your hair approximately one thousand trillion times. Throw very heavy and sharp stilletto after anyone inquiring what is taking so long. Watch hair uncurl itself faster than you can curl it. Sigh very loudly.
10. Make up! Get out make up bag. Find spray-in conditioner in make-up bag. Scream. Break something. Pour yourself a generous amount of fine rum. Apply make-up. Spill Mascara Everywhere. Ev. Ery. Where. And on anything. Drink up rest of rum. Smile.
11. Try on 11 000 pairs of shoes. Occationally throw tried-and-rejected shoes at person coughing and dangling car keys.
12. Look at yourself in the mirror. Have stressed out other person lift you up because mirror is mounted too far up the wall. Show gratitude by spending even more time taking 10, 000 pictures of yourself to post on your blog.
13. Be very pleased with result!
Do you see how much concealer there is on this picture? I have not slept in 48 hours! That is in fact not my face. I concealed it and painted on a new one! Also, if my arms were half as long in real life as they look in that picture maybe I could actually reach things!
...and now give it some tongue!!
Please would someone come brush my hair?
2. Dry off. Search for spray in conditioner. Spray-in conditioner not to be found ANYWHERE. Run around naked and scream at everyone.
3. Shower again. Sing. Louder and Angrier. Lather, Rinse, Repeat and APPLY CONDITIONER.
4. Dry off. Run around naked again and scream at everyone because you are a woman and it is your God-given right. Find deodorant with hands while examining your teeth intensely in the mirror. Spray.
5. Throw out old Brother-in-law's Old Spice spray on crap. Shower again. Lather, Rinse, Throw a tantrum. Condition.
6. Find matching underwear (because you're worth it) with surprisingly little problems. Put on without breaking a seam or any vital bodyparts. Be amazed.
7. Do not find the top that you are going to wear ANYWHERE. Search. Search. Search. Search some more. Run around in your underwear and scream at everyone. Scream at the cats. Scream at the flowers. Scream out the window. Find top mashed into a tiiiny corner in your warderobe. Wrinkly. Scream. Loudly.
8. Plug in curling iron with one hand and iron shirt with other. Throw iron after anyone joking about "best to call the firedepartment now hahaha". Declare half-assed ironed shirt to be done TADAAAA and put on. Because girls never ever spill or make a mess while doing hair and putting on make-up.
9. Start using the curling iron. Be a curling iron idiot. Fry your hair untill it screams for help. Curl everything different ways so some strands of hair curl on up into the universe and some are so tightly pressed up your neck you feel you're on the bus with that nasty, smelly old guy again. Get the curling iron stuck in your hair approximately one thousand trillion times. Throw very heavy and sharp stilletto after anyone inquiring what is taking so long. Watch hair uncurl itself faster than you can curl it. Sigh very loudly.
10. Make up! Get out make up bag. Find spray-in conditioner in make-up bag. Scream. Break something. Pour yourself a generous amount of fine rum. Apply make-up. Spill Mascara Everywhere. Ev. Ery. Where. And on anything. Drink up rest of rum. Smile.
11. Try on 11 000 pairs of shoes. Occationally throw tried-and-rejected shoes at person coughing and dangling car keys.
12. Look at yourself in the mirror. Have stressed out other person lift you up because mirror is mounted too far up the wall. Show gratitude by spending even more time taking 10, 000 pictures of yourself to post on your blog.
13. Be very pleased with result!
Do you see how much concealer there is on this picture? I have not slept in 48 hours! That is in fact not my face. I concealed it and painted on a new one! Also, if my arms were half as long in real life as they look in that picture maybe I could actually reach things!
...and now give it some tongue!!
Please would someone come brush my hair?
posted by Kirsti | 12:55
5 Comments:
How very G-rated of you - sloppy slut. You look very pretty as always, bet hell, I like d!ck so what do I know ?
And I'm liking the tonque and face bit in the second pic, cuz I do that all the time.
Congrats on the new place - it's of the hizzy.
nice blog....I would offer to brush ya hair but I'm not sure I'd wanna stop at just brushin ya hair >:)
You define the term "prettied up"
Good work. I'd say it was worth all the trouble you went through, but that's only because I was probably sleeping while you were at it. You didn't yell loud enough to bother me.
too bad our communications company here is so retarded... i can't see your pic!! it's censored... girl, what have you been doing?!
I am thinking about getting that last pic tattooed on my body...
it means that much to me.
JQP
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